God Likes Safe Safer the Safest Sex
Bible Passage:
Song of Songs 5:2-8
Pastor:
Pastor Mike
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Sermon Date:
2011-02-19
We should practice safe sex. If there’s one thing most Americans see eye to eye on, it’s that. Our legal system agrees—Dangerous sex with a minor or without consent can get you sentenced for life. Our medical system agrees—Dangerous sex without an exam can get you an STD. Our educational system agrees—Dangerous sex without protection can result in an unplanned pregnancy. Safe sex is a core value of our sex-obsessed culture. You can have casual sex, premarital sex, same-sex sex, online sex, one-night-stand sex, multiple-partner sex, and whatever other kind of sex you can think of…just as long as no one gets hurt, just as long as the sex is safe.
But one morning Americans woke up and admitted: Safe sex is a myth. Checking her I.D., getting tested, and using protection can’t guarantee sex will be safe. That’s why organizations like Planned Parenthood have added one letter to the famous phrase. “Safe sex” is now called “Safer sex”. Follow these steps, they say, and sex will be safer than it would be if you didn’t.
“Safer.” That one little letter reminds us safety is a subjective word. Safer than what? Safer according to whom? If sex can be dangerous, who determines what makes it safe? Planned Parenthood? Your parents? Your doctors? Your Sex Ed. teacher? Your church? If you value safety in your sexuality, whose definition of “safe” will you believe?
Today’s reading is one of many Scriptures that give us God’s definition of safe sex. We’ve been studying Solomon’s Song of Songs, the book of the Bible filled with God’s view of sexuality. From the start, we’ve admitted this is a challenging book and today is no exception. But this much is clear: The passion we saw between this man and his wife is missing…
Look at our sermon text: (The wife says,) “2 Listen! My lover is knocking: ‘Open to me, my sister, my darling, my dove, my flawless one. My head is drenched with dew, my hair with the dampness of the night.’”I slept but my heart was awake. A husband comes calling for his wife. Just like in chapter two, it’s the perfect time to make love, so he initiates. But this time there’s a problem. She’s already in bed. Undressed. Face washed. Makeup off. Half asleep. Picture a woman in the sweatpants she’s had longer than her husband. Glasses on. Eyes drooping as she reads in her cozy bed. Suddenly, her cell buzzes on the nightstand. It’s her husband. “Honey, it’s me. I know it’s late, but I just got off work and I’ve been thinking about you all day. I picked up some wine and these flowers next to me have your name on them. Why don’t you meet me at the door in something special and we’ll see what happens…” She glances at her sweatpants and the clock. “Ugghhh. Sweetie, do you know what time it is? I’m already in bed. Why don’t you put the wine in the fridge. Maybe another night.” Or, as the lesson says in B.C. terms, “3I have taken off my robe—must I put it on again? I have washed my feet—must I soil them again?” Simple translation: Not in the mood. But he is. Verse 4—“4My lover thrust his hand through the latch-opening.” He reaches out to her, but she doesn’t reach back.
Within a minute the pounding on the door stops, but another pounding begins. “My heart began to pound for him.” So she gets up and runs to the bathroom—changes into something he likes, spritzes his favorite perfume, puts sweet lotion on her hands. “5 and my hands dripped with myrrh.” on the handles of the lock.” My heart sank at his departure.” Gone. Why? Frustrated? Shot down? Angry? She doesn’t know. Where to? Work? Out with the guys? Into the arms of another? She doesn’t know. But she knows she misses him. She fixes her hair and swings the door open. “6I opened for my lover…but my lover had left; he was gone. She races down the stairs, picturing his face when he sees her in this, when he smells her, when he kisses her. She reaches for the door. “My fingers with flowing myrrh,I arose to open for my lover,Sex started to simmer in her mind. Maybe it would be worth the work. Maybe it would be fun. Maybe her husband was really looking forward to it.
Now her heart beats with worry and love. “I looked for him but did not find him. I called him but he did not answer.” Goes to his favorite spots. No luck. Calls his cell. No answer. But before she can find him, someone else finds her. “7 as they made their rounds in the city.” they took away my cloak, those watchmen of the walls!”8 what will you tell him? Tell him I am faint with love.”O daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you—if you find my lover, What’s happening? Are they abusing her? Robbing her? Raping her? We don’t know. But we do know it is an ugly night for this pretty woman. She calls out in her distress. “ Watchmen patrol the city walls and keep their eyes peeled for wrong-doers. But tonight they are the ones doing wrong. “They beat me, they bruised me;The watchmen found me
The story is somewhat confusing, but the moral is clear—Sin makes sex unsafe. The once selfless wife selfishly thinks of herself. The once selfless husband selfishly vanishes, leaving his wife alone and afraid. The once heroic watchmen turn into villains, hurting an innocent woman. Feelings are hurt. Love is squelched. Passion is gone. And stuck in the middle of this sensual story is a cold counseling moment. Sin makes sex dangerous.
God wants us to consider that statement. Fast forward past the pleasure of the evening and look at the morning after. Is sinful sex dangerous? Has violating God’s design for sex been safe for our culture? Are we happier, healthier, and more blessed because of casual sex? I don’t think we are. The staggering number of women and children who have been raped and abused is not safe. According to the National Institute of Justice, one in six American women has been raped. That’s like having every baby girl roll a die and everyone who rolls a “1” will be raped. That means, statistically, over 30 rape victims come to church here each weekend. The stunning number of teens with sexually transmitted diseases is not safe. According to the Center for Disease Control, one in four American girls, ages 14-19, has an STD. That’s at least one starter on every high school girls’ basketball team in the nation. The shocking number of children who don’t know their own fathers is not safe. Like the child I met last December. “What do you want for Christmas?” I asked, expecting him to rattle off a list of action figures and video games. “All I want,” he groaned as he stared at the ground, “is to see my dad. I haven’t seen him in years.” The appalling number of spouses addicted to pornography is not safe. The unrealistic expectations porn brings into a marriage bed is not safe. The pressure wives feel to compete with a digital fantasy is not safe. The pain a woman feels when her husband is gawking at skinnier, sexier women is not safe. The rising numbers of sexual partners is not safe. Chemically, our bodies bond through sex. But have sex with enough people and the bond loses its grip. Like tape that’s been reused a dozen times, sex loses its ability to bond you to your future spouse. The outrageous number of sexually selfish spouses is not safe. She doesn’t bother to think she is the only godly option for her husband sexually. He doesn’t bother to think maybe she doesn’t want sex every other second of the day. The devastating number of adulteries is not safe. I have seen the confusion and pain after infidelity come out of hiding. It tears you apart just to see it, much less to be the victim of it. The constant temptation to lust is not safe. Jesus told us lusting can destroy more than our bodies. It can condemn our souls. The rising number of unmarried sexually active people is not safe. The Apostle Paul said, “He who rejects this instruction [about controlling your body in a holy way] does not reject man but God.” Walk towards sinful sex and you walk away from God.
Is all of that safe? Or safer? Than what? A little fish once swam with his dad looking for a bite to eat. As they slalomed through seaweed, the little fish spotted something in the distance. A worm! Just big enough for breakfast. He darted through the blue-green waters as he moved in on his catch. The closer he got, the bigger and tastier the worm looked. With one last flip of his fin, he opened his mouth wide for his first bite. But just before he chomped down, his father crashed into him! Stunned, the little fish screamed, “Dad! That’s my breakfast!” “No son,” dad called back, “that’s a trick.” “But dad,” the little fish protested, “I’m so hungry.” “I know son, but it’s still a trick.” “But you told me fish are good.” “Not this one, son. Look there.” The little fish looked above the tasty worm and there was a tiny white line leading up to the surface. “Worms are good, son, but not this one. This one is dangerous.”
Sex is good. But not all sex. Sinful sex is dangerous. A pill and her consent won’t make sex safe. She may be 18. You may have protection. It may just be a website. You may really feel in love. It might just be this one time. But can we honestly look around at our broken homes, our broken bodies, our broken marriages, and our broken children and admit that our culture’s definition of safe isn’t safe enough? Can we admit maybe God knows more than we do? Can we accept God definition of safe sex—one man, one woman, in marriage, selflessly given?
We need more than safe sex. We need more than safer sex. We need the safest sex. Safest sex is sex according to God’s design. Safest sex tells us about our bodies. But it starts by telling us about our souls. It starts with the story of Jesus. In John 8, Jesus meets a woman who took the bait. Caught cheating. Not just by her husband, but by the church leaders. These hypocritical and cruel men want her dead, so they drag her to Jesus. Confessing to your husband is hard. Confessing to the church is harder. But confessing to Jesus? Jesus sends her accusers away so just she and he stand there alone. A stained and sinful woman. The pure and perfect Son of God. What will he say? As she stares at him with regret and fear, what will he do? She holds her breath as he opens his mouth, “I don’t condemn you. Now go and leave your life of sin.”
We stand here today with that woman. In danger because of our sexual sins. But today Jesus speaks words of safety and salvation. Looking you in the eye, he swears, “Neither do I condemn you. I did not come into the world to condemn it, but to save it. See my hands. See where the nails went through. I was pierced for your sins. I died for the bait you bit so you wouldn’t have to. Listen. Listen! God was mad about your sin. Dangerously mad. But God also loved you too much to stay mad. So this was our plan: I came for you. I lived for you so God would never abuse you, leave you, or walk out on you. I was condemned on the cross, so you never would be. I came back to life. I rose again so you could have life, too—the life that is truly life. The spiritual and not just the physical. The eternal and not just the temporal. I don’t condemn you. God doesn’t condemn you. You are safe with me.
“Now go and sin no more.” Keep your eyes on the cross and believe that the God who invented sex knows what makes it safe. Believe that the God who generously gave his own Son for you loves you enough to set boundaries to protect you. And with the Bible always open in your mind, remember to focus not on the feeling of the attraction, but the future of the action. That will keep you safe. The first time I studied Spanish in Mexico, I had the chance to cheat on my new bride. The college kids from my host family threw me a party. At one point, one of the guys asked me which one of the girls I wanted to sleep with. He said I could pick. (For the record, I played tennis in high school so this was not a common situation for me!) I told him, “No, man. I’m married.” “Come on!” he yelled over the music, “She’s in America.” I showed him my ring. He shook his head. “You don’t know what you’re missing.” But I think I did know. By choosing God’s safe sex, I was missing out…on the guilt, the shame, and the embarrassment of infidelity. I was missing out on the heart-crushing confession to Kim. I was missing out on a possible divorce. Yeah, maybe I missed out on a fun night in Mexico, but I gained seven years (and counting) of an excellent marriage.
I wish I was always that strong when it comes to sexual temptation. Like you, I’ve seen and thought a lot of things I shouldn’t have. But with Jesus’ cleansing forgiveness and the power of the Holy Spirit, we can control what we do today with our bodies. We can focus on the future and not just the feelings of the moment. We can choose purity over a pop-up ad. We can choose to set our bodies aside for the one who will be there until death do us part over the one who just want us for the night. With God’s help, we don’t have to live dangerously with our sexuality. We can enjoy the safest sex, just like God designed. Amen.
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