Godly Sex is Selfless

Bible Passage:

Song of Songs 2:14-17

Pastor:

Pastor Mike

Download:

213web.mp3

Sermon Date:

2011-02-12

(Service Intro) Last week, we talked about why it’s okay to put “sex” and “God” in the same sentence. We learned there is a book of the Bible where God tells us he likes good sex, sex between a husband and a wife, sex that is set apart as sacred. Since our entire culture is teaching us its view of sex, we decided it’s not just allowable, but necessary to learn God’s view on the issue. While not everyone here is married, every one of us does need to know God’s Word and be able to teach others this culturally urgent topic.

Good sex does not come naturally. If you need proof, just walk down the checkout aisle. There you will rarely see a magazine article “The 5 Secret Tips on How to Walk.” Cosmo won’t have the headline, “3 Ways to Breathe Better than Ever Before.” Men’s Health never grabs your attention with, “The 1 Thing Every Woman Wishes Her Man Knew about Being Tall.” Why don’t you see headlines like that? Because that stuff comes naturally. You don’t need an article on how to walk or breathe or grow. That just happens.

But good sex is different. It doesn’t just happen. Maybe that’s why every magazine besides Better Homes and Gardens wants to teach you how to make it happen. “5 Secret Tips for a Great Love Life.” “3 Ways to Spice Up Your Marriage.” “The 1 Things She Wishes You Knew about Sex.” Every editor wants to sell you the secret to good sex. But we would be gullible if we believed Cosmo knew better than the Cosmic Creator, God. After all, if sex is God’s good gift, then shouldn’t God know what makes sex good? That’s what today’s Scripture is all about.

We pick up King Solomon’s wise words about life, love, sex, and God in Song of Songs 2:14. The husband speaks to his wife, “My dove in the clefts of the rock, in the hiding places on the mountainside, show me your face, let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely.” And all the ladies say, “Awwww.” Here is a husband who is selfless with his words. He pours out compliments to his wife. Modern psychologists call these “words of affirmation.” “My dove…Your voice is sweet…Your face is lovely.” This guy takes the time to make his wife feel beautiful.

If you read this entire Song, you’ll feel like you’re eavesdropping on two love-struck kids. The compliments outnumber the verses. “Your name is like perfume…No wonder the maidens love you…How right they are to adore you…How beautiful you are, my darling…How handsome you are, my lover…My lover is a young stag… My lover is like a blossom from the vineyards of En Gedi (I went to En Gedi last month in Israel—it’s a green oasis in the middle of a brown desert. Waterfalls gush and flowers burst with life. “That’s how my husband is,” this wife says.)…Your hair is like a flock of goats descending down Mt. Gilead (That’s romantic! Mt. Gilead is on the other side of the Jordan River. Goats with midnight black fur run down its hills. Picture a Pantene commercial where beautiful black hair flows down a woman’s back. “That’s how my wife is,” this husband says)…Your head crowns you like Mt. Carmel (That’s a lush mountain on the Mediterranean coast)…There is no flaw in you…My flawless one…You are a garden…My lover’s body is like polished ivory…His arms are rods of gold…My dove, my perfect one is unique.”

Now there’s a secret to a great love life! Does it surprise you this couple enjoyed being intimate? They made each other feel wanted, desired, beautiful. God wants the same for us. Ephesians 4 says the words we speak should “build each other up.” So compliment your spouse. What do you like about her? Her cute nose? Her big brown eyes? Her soft hair? Her figure? His cologne? His arms? His 6-pack? His 1-pack? His smile? Then say it. Don’t assume she knows—“I told you you were beautiful in 1987! Did you forget?!? No, say it again and again and again. In a culture where advertisers are constantly telling you what you need to fix your body, be the one who tells your spouse, “I love your body. Don’t listen to them. I’m the one who said, ‘Til death do us part,’ and I think you’re gorgeous.” Be selfless with your words.

There are a lot of crummy songs on the radio these days, but there’s one pop song you need to download during this week. It’s by an R&B singer named Bruno Mars and it’s called “Just the Way You Are.” He sings=”When I see your face/There’s not a thing that I would change/Cause girl you’re amazing/Just the way you are/She’s so beautiful/And I tell her everyday/You know, you know, you know I’d never ask you to change/If perfect’s what you’re searching for then just stay the same/Girl you’re amazing/Just the way you are.” (I think he read Song of Songs before writing those selfless words.)

Next, Solomon points us to selfless actions. Verse 15—“Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom.” Every gardener here gets that. One little animal, one hungry baby bunny, can ruin your garden. If you don’t build a fence and evict all animals currently residing there, your garden will be gone. But Solomon isn’t really thinking about gardens here. In Song of Songs, “vineyards” is often a reference to a person’s sexuality or a couple’s love life. And wise Solomon, just like the magazine editors, knows “little foxes” can ruin God’s good gift of sex. What are these foxes? They’re anything that destroys the passion of a good sex life.

Every married couple could think of the “foxes” they’ve found in their marriage vineyard. Busyness is a fox. When you’re worn out from work and errands and commitments, who has the time or energy to make love? Stress is a fox—When your mind is so focused on what you have to do tomorrow that you forget about what you could do tonight. Little kids can be little foxes. They demand 25 hours of attention each day and seem to be oblivious that if mommy and daddy didn’t have a sex life, they wouldn’t be here in the first place! Selfish words are little foxes. A lot of insults make for a lot of lonely nights. Past events can be a big fox. Abuse, molestation, and rape can twist sex into something emotionally painful. Selfish actions can be a fox. She shoots him down because his needs aren’t her biggest priority. He multiplies the problem by not realizing she may not want sex every night. Little foxes are everywhere and they can ruin the vineyard of a good, godly sex life.

So what should couples do? Solomon commands, “Catch the foxes!” Just like you’d protect your garden from rabbits, protect your bed from things that destroy it. And just like catching a real fox, catching these foxes is not easy. It takes work. It takes honest communication. But the work is worth it. It will save you from a passionless marriage. Catch the fox of busyness. Limit your commitments and leagues and extracurriculars if you’re too drained. Catch the fox of stress. Read Jesus’ words on not worrying about the future you can’t control so you can enjoy the present moment you can control. Catch the fox of children. Put them up for adoption (just kidding!). This one is tough. Maybe the key is to first be a good spouse and then be a good parent. Because being a good parent first can rob us of the energy needed to be a good spouse. And I believe kids don’t really need parents who cater to their needs every minute. I believe kids need to see their parents crazy in love with each other. They need to see daddy kissing mommy and hear mommy complimenting daddy. They need daddy to take mommy on dates and mommy to budget for babysitters. They need a model for relationships, romance, and love. Be a good spouse first. Catch the fox of selfishness. Repent before God and before your spouse if you’ve put your wants over his or her needs. Look to the cross and see how selfless God has been in cleansing you of selfish sins. Ask God for the power to give and serve and be selfless in marriage. Catch all the foxes that will ruin your love life. That’s your homework if you’re married. Ask your spouse what the foxes are in your marriage and come up with a plan to catch them.

Think of your sex life as a garden. Jesus once told a story about a man who had a garden vineyard. “He put a wall around it, dug a winepress in it and built a watchtower.” I saw an example of that in Nazareth last month. Nazareth Village is a modern reconstruction of what a 1^st century village might have looked like. In the middle of the village stands a stone watchtower. High above, a watchman keeps his eyes peeled for anything and anyone that could ruin the vineyard below. Your sex life needs a watchman and a watchwomen, spouses who will take an honest look at what’s sneaking into the vineyard. Spouses who are willing to selflessly catch the foxes and set that vineyard apart as something sacred.

Be selfless with your words. Be selfless with your actions. Finally, Solomon tells us, “Be selfless with your bodies.” Verse 16, “My lover is mine and I am his; he browses among the lilies. Until the day breaks and the shadows flee, turn, my lover, and be like a gazelle or like a young stag on the rugged hills.” That’s selfless. “My lover is mine and I am his.” This couple doesn’t just have a joint checking account. They have joint ownership of each other’s bodies. That’s just what the Apostle Paul taught us in 1 Corinthians 7. “The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time.”

Solomon and Paul knew this important fact: A husband has no godly place to be sexually fulfilled besides his wife. And a wife has no godly place to be sexually fulfilled besides her husband. God has not opened up any other “gardens” for your spouse. Adultery is sinful. Open marriages are sinful. Pornography is sinful. If your spouse is going to enjoy God’s wedding gift, he can only do it with you. That’s why these words are so important for every couple. “My lover is mine and I am his.” Practically, that means being selfless with your sexuality. It means going out of your way to please her even if it’s not the perfect time for you. It means going out of your way to satisfy him even if you’re not in the mood. It means taking the selfless call of Christian living and bringing it into your bedroom.

You can’t do that without Christ’s help and the Holy Spirit’s power. Jesus never had sex, but he had a life filled with selfless moments. His every breath was selflessly given for us. He selflessly lived a pure life and selflessly died a pure death for us. He caught the little foxes of sin that ruined our spiritual lives and kicked them out by forgiving our sins. He cared for us by giving us baptism and the Lord’s Supper so we could burst with spiritual life, so we could put others first, so we could be selfless at work, in the kitchen, and in the bedroom.

Brothers and sisters in Christ, this is the key to a godly sex life. So ignore the magazines. Just read your Bible. Let God teach you about his selfless love and inspire you to be selfless with your words, your actions, and your body. Amen.

your words of wisdom were my

your words of wisdom were my Great-Aunt's words of wisdom to Greg and me on our wedding that she received from her Mother (my Great-Grandmother) on her wedding day. "God first, spouse second, and--as as much as we love you--children third." :) It must be true!

Posted by Kathryn Rebernick (not verified) on Mar 16th, 2011 at 8:43 am.