The Parent-Teacher United Front

Most teachers become teachers because they want to teach children. They usually wish to make a positive difference for them.

Parent-teacher conflicts emerge mainly because some teachers have different philosophies than some parents about how their children should be taught. Those parents believe their philosophies are better than those held by their children’s teachers. The parents may be right. The teachers may also be right. The issue is that when teachers and parents disagree on how their child should be taught, we have a mismatch of philosophies that could destroy the united parent-teacher front.

If educational philosophies between teachers and parents differ in directions that encourage children to do more than the teacher expects, it probably won’t cause any problems for the children. They’ll continue to receive a message of responsibility. However, if the philosophy of the parents differs from that of the teacher so that it provides an easy way out for children, or if it describes the teacher’s philosophy as in appropriate, irrelevant, or boring, it provides an excuse for children to accomplish what the teacher expects. Parents should not be sharing their position about teachers with their children if there is a risk of permitting them to subtly escape from school responsibility.

Consider that your children are sitting in the classroom and are faced with tasks or assignments: some that are interesting, some not-so-interesting, some tiresome, and some repetitive. If they’ve received the message from you that these aren’t worthwhile projects, why would your children consider it important to fulfill the teacher’s expectations? They know they can come home and find an empathetic ear in their mother or father who basically agrees that the assignment was inappropriate to their interest or intelligence, their use of time, or for some other reason. They will be quick to call it boring.

If you want your children to achieve in school, give clear communications to your children about respect for teachers. Let them know that teachers are people who are devoted to children and to making a difference for our society through education. If you show you respect educators, it will go a long way toward encouraging them to feel positive about their teachers and about school learning and achievement. This is no small issue because there have been so many parents who have done just the opposite.

It’s equally important that teachers give a message of support for parents. If teachers aren’t supportive of parents and aren’t saying positive things to children about them, they may render parents powerless to follow through on teachers’ suggestions or recommendations at home. Teachers should be especially careful not to talk negatively about parents. That may easily happen when parents volunteer in schools. If children hear the opposition between teachers and their parents, it may have an adverse effect on the parent-child-school relationship. A message of respect for parents, given by teachers, and for teachers given by parents, facilitates children’s learning and achievement in school and at home.

*Adapted from: How to Parent So Children Will Learn, Sylvia Rimm, 1996 by Crown Publishing Group